| not dead |
[Mar. 1st, 2005|12:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
Well what can i say? it was an awesome weekend (better than a hotdog) . i went to the casino and played roulette. felt like james bond although i managed to win nothing. Then went onto the uban tiger and had the strangest lap dance of my life. some crazy eastern european bird took my money and got naked, so far so good, then started smashing me in the face with her breast shouting your a bad boy! a bad boy!. Not really sure what the correct response was for this kind of behaviour so settled for giving her a nervous smile. Finished the night in the soundhaus with a load of mates. All in all a pretty good weekend. to all you people who didnt turn up i will simply say this....i hate you..all of you..especially you ed..your a nasty self centered man and i think its about time you had a long hard look in the mirror and stopped being so selfish and self absorbed. You should try and be more like me dude, if you could just show a fraction of the warmth and human kindness that i show then i think you would be a happier person. think about it...oh and stop eating pies and lose weight you tubby fucko(keeping it jovial) |
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| drinkies |
[Feb. 24th, 2005|11:27 am] |
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note to self, never let dave post on live journal it tends to cause offense. Also he is much funnier than me so following posts seem lacklustre and weak. Anyway it my birthday this saturday, i will be thirty. If any body wants to come to northampton and buy me things you can. If no-one comes i may kill myself, just so you know. No presure though guys. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 6th, 2005|12:59 am] |
The Soundhaus. What can I say? I got in to three fights tonight, 2 with bouncers and one with what seemed to be a size twelve lips on a size six face, needless to say those mutha fuckas dropped like the insects they were. Ronnie (for that is his name not Ron, he isn't a market trader in a fucking east end market) played what was at best a weak set, S Club seven being a highlight and hang Tucker the baldie nerd with an obsession for younger women being a close second. Lil probably thinks I'm at some random birds (not Random Hag she was hot when thin but a munter these days)house until tommorrow afternoon. But I care not, for I am a free bird, the Rocker the Roller the Out of Controller. So now I have Brid (that's right you tiny Goth) toking on the sword of pulsating lurve as it spurts stringy gobbets of man silk into her lank and unbecoming hair.
Enough of this prattle mortals FUCK OFF! |
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| Life and work and stuff |
[Feb. 3rd, 2005|10:10 pm] |
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Just finished another working day, delivering fucking huge sofas to slope headed chav twats. As i sweat and strain lifting seven foot leather sofas into their third story council flats i feel a warm glow in my heart, thinking how great our country is. Its wonderful that our local councils give free housing to lazy work shy chav scum so they can spend their hard earned drug money on FIVE HUNDRED POUND SOFAS. One wonderful young chavette today had two cream leather corner sofas costing almost 1000 pounds delived to her shelted flat called Robinson house in weston favell. Robinson house by the way is a complex designed for under 18 child 'victims'. I felt so sorry for her as i fitted her sofa between her x-box, PS 2 and plasma wide screen T.V (im not shitting you, this is all true). Anyway got back home and found terrorists had kidnapped lil and rich and were demanding the release of several political prisoners. Turned out however that this was all a ruse and they were actually a highly trained team of bank robbers, intent on stealing my long grey coat. Cue a two hour running gun battle that finally ended with me shooting their leader and him falling out of my window....no hang on i think that may have been the plot for die hard. |
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| I AM WIN |
[Feb. 1st, 2005|10:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  apathetic | ] |
HELLO WORLD I NOW HAVE A LIVE JOURNAL. I am a techno monkey so i had to get people to help me work this magic box. Anyway first things first went to the soundhaus on saturday had an amazing time spent most of the time in the chill out room trying to fight off all the lesbians trying to shag me, its always the same they say they only like women and the second i walk in they flock round me and try to invite me back to their beds for threesomes. i wouldnt mind but after a while it just gets tiresome. Theres only so many mornings you can wake up entangled in a nest of young naked, nubile woman flesh before you start getting depressed. To be honest the whole sex thing is really over-rated, i got my girlfriend, lil to shag my mate ronnie on sunday morning while i violated his soft virgin arse but after a few hours even that got boring. I suppose the main problem is that several years ago i shagged the last girl in the soundhaus who i had any vague interest in and since then i just amuse myself by getting them to fight naked in a gladitorial arena for the honour of touching me. As i sit on my throne of skulls watching ruth, vickie, ellie, piper, sophie, caz, brid, hellen, gemma, jo, jenny, liz etc.. sweat blood and tears, eyes glazed as they tear at each other like demonic hellcats, desperate to feel my hot man flesh thrust deep into their hungry love caverns, i somtimes wonder, is this all there is? Should i not be doing more with my life? Maybe joining this great live journal community will finally give me the inspiration i have been craving? I can only hope. |
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apelord's journal